Submarine Keelhauling Could Replace Waterboarding

Keelhauling was a form of stern corporal punishment inflicted upon sailors until 1853, when iron began replacing wooden hulls. Uncooperative sailors were bound to lines looped under their vessels, thrown overboard and dragged under the ship's keel to the other side. Wooden hulls, of course, were usually covered in barnacles and prone to have splinters. Unlucky sailors were occasionally lacerated or otherwise lightly injured.

Waterboarding is certainly considered a form of aggressive torture by some mothers, metrosexual men, trial lawyers (regardless of gender), and most homeland patriot protestors.

Submarine keelhauling is naturally a more humane preparation for interrogation of certain prisoners. Submarine hulls are rounded and present very fine, unsplintered surfaces with anti-barnacle coatings. In addition, the 'P' award (shown in photo) attests to quality prison ship dining. Use of CIA recipes assures excellent fare and preparation.

The prison sub shown is not a commissioned U.S. navy vessel. The sub's nationality is not revealed and cannot be found at the archive here, as some may have tried to hint. BBC NEWS US faces prison ship allegations (06/28/2005) offered some opinions, however:

The use of prison ships would allow investigators to interrogate people secretly and in international waters out of the reach of US law, British security expert Francis Tusa said. This opens the door to very tough interrogations on key prisoners before it even has been revealed that they have been captured, said Tusa, an editor for the British magazine Jane's Intelligence Review. Nowak said the prison ships would not be 'floating Guantanamos' since they are much smaller, holding less than a dozen detainees. Responsible for their own manners and hygiene, I would suppose.

A submarine is certainly not a 'floating Guantanamo', is it? If I were still a drinking man, I might be returning from McSorely's about now, thank you.