Submariners' thoughts on "underwear bomber's" Mandatory Sentence

Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab (aka U. F. Abdullard, Umar Abdul Mutallab, Omar Farooq al-Nigeri, and the 'Underwear bomber') got life in prison without parole for his 2009 airliner attack. The 25 year-old convict had told government investigators that he was working for an Al Qaeda group run by American Muslim cleric Anwar Awlaki.

Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano, faced questions over whether Abdulmutallab should have been prevented from boarding the flight in Amsterdam. Since then, Napolitano's TSA airport employees have received criticism for subjecting American travelers to underwear inspections, groping and unreasonable searches.

Finally U. F. Abdullard has been sentenced to life in prison without parole. Molten Eagle knows that prison life, particularly in a supermax prison can be fraught with unexpected nuances for inmates.

Out of curiosity, we assembled a panel of ex-submariners, some of whom have served in law enforcement and asked what else U.F. Abdullard might expect in prison. Here are a few results from that informal survey:

* Random visits from winners of Napolitano's weekly "Raffles for the Most Aggressive TSA Inspectors" from each airport around the country.

* Besides x-rays and underwear inspections, U.F. Abdullard is likely to receive an atomic wedgie at some point during each visit from each raffle winner.

* Also, Janet Napolitano will select raffle winners volunteers for conjugal visits with U.F. Abdullard. If she gets no volunteers, being a strong-minded woman, who knows what responsibilities she herself may decide to undertake.

* Lifetime listening privileges on the Jehovah Witnesses TV Network.

* Credit for the time incarcerated until sentencing. About two years will be deducted from his life without parole prison sentence: His prison grave marker will reduce his age actual age at death by two years.

* Lifetime subscription to 72 Virgins Magazine.

* Annual Christmas cards from anonymous well wishers countrywide in commemoration of his Christmas 2009 attack.

Submariners have been known to develop off-beat types of humor. Not sure if the survey group was bent or merely practicing wishful thinking.

Submarines are always silent and strange.